I haven’t kept up with sportswriter Rick Reilly (or sports in general) since I let my Sports Illustrated subscription lapse and Mr. Reilly moved on to ESPN (related, I’m sure). But at one point, the “Life of Reilly” was a highlight of the volumes of sports reading I regularly pored over.

I’m not sure what inspired this letter written more than five years ago; there probably wasn’t anything in particular, but it was fun to write. Mr. Reilly seemed to enjoy it, and I certainly appreciated his generous consideration in responding. I hope you’ll enjoy it too.

And if I can dream, I would hope you might be inclined to lavish praise on something or someone you really appreciate who has no idea who you are. The results can be surprising.

Dear Mr. Reilly,

I truly enjoy your work and upon hearing of a new hire at Blinn College in College Station, TX I immediately thought of how perfectly appropriate your jabbing cynicism and eye for the ridiculous would be. I had thought maybe mine might work as well on some level, but I don’t have your job, or your platform, or your fans, or your experience, or your eloquent lyrical prose and profound insight into sport and the human condition that brings to mind the limitless possibilities of a marriage of Blount, Twain, Bono and Carlin. The physical impossibility of this uber-meld of generation- and genre-spanning creative diversity (compounded further by marriage legislation in 49 states) is nothing short of tragic. But lo, a light shines forth from the last page of a sports weekly, and his name is “Reilly.”

That said I have taken the liberty of collecting a few basic resources to fuel your creative fire as you tackle what appears to be the back-door conspiracy of the year, possibly the light-year. I have listed them in logical order. I look forward to your stunning, ground-shaking expose on nepotism, the Division I/Division II farm league, and closed-door provost liaisons sure to shake college athletics to the core.

Blinn College Names Brad Franchione Head Coach – The unofficial local farm-league for Texas A&M names Dennis Franchione’s son as head coach. Brad is the former defensive coordinator for A&M Commerce. Do I smell protracted incentive package?
A&M Commerce Stats – Odd, I would have expected better defense.
The Secret Alliance – Epiphany! The tip of the iceberg that is the suspiciously guarded arrangement between A&M and Blinn.

Should you choose to focus your creative genius on another story, I would like to revise my initial sentiments to the following…

Dear Mr. Reilly,
You are a pretty good writer and make me laugh alot. You are like Jerry Lewis, Carrot-Top and chapter-books. Can I please have an autograph? The End.

A True Fan,

Dion C. McInnis

I didn’t expect anything in reply, so when Mr. Reilly responded, I was thoroughly surprised, and exceedingly grateful for his appreciation in return.

dion,
my lord — you should be writing the column and i should be writing the fan letter.
hilarious. how much caffeine do you injest in an hour?
i can’t tell you how uninterested i am in your ferreting out nepotism at texas A&M but your letter was so well-written i read it twice.
anyway, thanks for the treat.
best,
rick (carrot top) reilly

No, thank you for the treat Rick Reilly.

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